Monday, September 18, 2006

If the message is don't upset the snake, I want to be a snake too

Ghost Blog chimes in about the Pope having the gaul to actually discuss issues of theology:

I'm angry because his excellency (excellent at what? speechmaking? lol.) wasn't bright enough to see that his remarks are very easily manipulated into memetic weapons by the hardliner imams and shayks and local tyrants intent on deflecting criticism of their own regimes who are the real adversary.
We have a very profound saying out here in the West.
Don't poke the snake.
You see, the paramedics at our local fire department here on the front range of the rocky mountains treat a number of snake bite cases every summer. The story fronted by the cyclist/jogger is always that they were peaceably cycling/running past and said snake just jumped out and bit them.

So. Let me tell you about snakes.

First of all. If you anger a snake, it forgets quickly. Out in the San Bernardino county hills, I've met plenty of rattlesnakes. I've upset more than my fair share while hiking, or biking, or while trying to find other snakes. If you piss one of, he forgets.

Unlike these figurative snakes which are still mad about everything that has ever happened to them. The Crusades? Still mad. The loss of the portions of Europe they took by war? Still mad. The existence of Israel? Still mad. There are actual Kuwaitiis who are still mad at the US for Gulf War one.

If you name a transgression, real or imagined they are still pissed. There is a saying I heard from a middle easterner that seems to fit. "If you grab a persian by the arm, he'll never let go."

Second. If snakes are what others fear and placate, then other animals will act like snakes too. I'm sure my Rocky Mountain friend is familiar with all the species who copy dangerous snakes so they get the benefit. The King Snake has the coloration of the coral snake (red and black, friend of Jack...) some snakes thrash their tails in a manner to mimic the sounds of a rattlesnake etc.

By teaching the world that we should do whatever it takes to not stir up the snakes. We guarantee the world more snakes. Because the environment has become better suited for them.
Third, read the speech. Go on, read the whole relevant section and tell me what he said that is actually controversial. The problem isn't the fact that he said something controversial, it is that everything pisses somebody off. But apparently there is a species of snake that can get angered by everything, pick the locks on your door at your home at night, and kill you just because you are aware of it's existance and mentioned it to others. Be sure not to piss of that species of snake. But I must warn you, it's tricky, because you probably have angered it just by reading the Benedict speech without issuing your own fatwa.

Fourth, people who say "lol" as part of a substantive attack on the speechwriting of others should be taken out to a field and beaten with bats. If this ghostie has a question as to why the beating is going on, just tell them that they created and subsequently angered a snake.


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