Tuesday, July 25, 2006

All work and no play..

a meme stolent from Cal Tech Girl. Oh, and the Bar Exam? I decided to the entire thing in the style of Mark Twain. So far so good. I hope those foks enjoy stylization and folksy wisdom.

What curse word do you use the most?

Fuck, Fucker

Do you own an iPod?

30 video, ask me how you can get one free of the internet too (step one, steal a wallet)

Who on your MySpace "Top 8" do you talk to the most?

Not talking to them. Tom can kiss my bloody boot.

What time is your alarm clock set for?

Oh fuck you.

What color is your room?

A shade of white I call crackertastic.

Flip flops or sneakers?

Boots.

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

Scrimshaw.

What was the last movie you watched?

Clerks II

Do any of your friends have children?

Yes

Has anyone ever called you lazy?

That's a stupid question. I am lazy.

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?

Whiskey counts as a medication right

What CD is currently in your CD player?

Franz Ferdinand. You could have been so much better.

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?

Find me the right chocolate chick and we can talk.

Has anyone told you a secret this week?

Yes.

Have you ever given someone a hickey?

Yes.

Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

Constantly

Did you watch cartoons as a child?

what kind of stupid fucking question is that? Yes.

How many siblings do you have?

1

Are you shy around the opposite sex?

Like, do I whip out my junk in front of strange women? Nope.

What movie do you know every line to?

Deep throat, not counting the soundtrack.

Bubbles!
Otherwise, I can make a fair run at The Princess Bride and Grosse Pointe Blank

Do you own any band t-shirts?

More than I should.

What is your favorite salad dressing?

none

Do you read for fun?

Yup

Do you cry a lot?

Only during sex

Who was the last person to text message you?

It would be hard to be anon if I tell you that type of stuff, now wouldn't it?

Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

2 and 1

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

Maybe another piercing, I miss the old ones.

Definitely two more tatoos. back, legs. Nothing that will showup on security cameras.

What is the weather like?

In Ontario? Too damn hot for a place this ugly.

Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

Not anymore.

Is sex before marriage wrong?

No. Unless you are talking about the day of the wedding. That's bad juju.

When was the last time you slept on the floor?

Two weeks ago.

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

I'm most functional after 6. Prefer 8. Usually I hit 9

Are you in love or lust?

Both. Every damn day.

Are your days full and fast-paced?

Most.

Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?

They won't put the important details on beer, or whiskey.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

Loose lips sink ships.

Are you picky about spelling and grammar?

No. People need to relax about that.

Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Yes.

Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?

Same.

Do you like cottage cheese?

Sure

Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?

My stomache (not tummy, Tummy is a fucking Gummy Bear, not a body part). Ever since I was thirteen. Now, not so much for the same reason.

Have you ever bid for something on eBay?

Sure.

Do you enjoy giving hugs?

Oh yeah.

What song did you last sing out loud?

Heathen and Evil. Franz Ferdinand.

What is your favorite TV show?

Tough call. 24

Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?

I would love to have lunch with the either corpse of Jimmy Carter or Castro. I'm not a picky man.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

8:00 bar exam begins

What one thing do you wish you had?

The true name of Brad Pitt, so I can steal his power.

Favorite lyrics?

A thousand lips

A thousand toungues

A thousand throats

A thousand lungs

A million ways to make it true

I want to do terrible things to you.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

The Internet is for Porn

I miss WoW. The real world got in the way of my fun. But, I thought I'd share an old favorite.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

oooh, Cagey ... KG. I get it now

ever have something so obvious pass you by for a long time? Well, thanks to Cagey Mind for the blog roll link.

As for the "Secret" identity thing. Guess it's just my polite way of saying I want to be able to say "shit" and "douche" and "Glen Greenwald" without potential employers finding out. Especially considering my field, where people may not normally assemble the words "shit" "douche" and "Glenn Greenwald" in the same order that I do. I also want to be able to openly hope that Nancy Grace would die in a fire- oh wait, any potential employer who doesn't want to see her die in a fire -- nobody I'd want to work for.

Like I said, before, I'm not hard to figure out, but no direct name link for now.

Thanks for the link KG. Maybe we can lead as two kings.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Nancy Grace DiaF

Nancy Grace (a misnomer if ever there was one) interviews Elizabeth Smart and proves you don't have to be a crazy religious zealot to rape an innocent girl, but it helps.

Seriously, tragedy pimps like her need to be off tv. She is an ugly human being in every sense of the word.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The newest religion sweeping Iraq: Americantology

I am not sure how to take this, but I can't wait to see the reaction when this story spreads. Still this makes more sense than Scientology.

“Americantology? It’s awesome,” said Lance Cpl. Brian Giessler as he and his 1st Platoon buddies took cover from sniper fire a kilometer east of the notorious Blackwater Bridge on Wednesday. “Everybody loves it.”

The reserve infantry unit, which is based in Plainville, Conn., falls under the command of Regimental Combat Team 5 and is responsible for keeping the peace in some of the worst neighborhoods this city has to offer. Marines here have fallen under attack from snipers, roadside bombs, rocket-propelled grenades and mortars.

“We’ve seen it all,” said Cpl. Jordan Pierson, 21, of Milford, Conn. Pierson himself earned a Purple Heart last month when an insurgent grenade exploded 10 feet away and sprayed him with shrapnel.

Americantology actually began as a spat between Grainger and higher-ups over whether or not the company could fly an American flag outside its base — a battered former government building dubbed “The Holiday Inn Express.”



See Momma Sheehan? This is how you get it done.

Remember when Cindy Sheehan said she offered to run her son over so he could avoid serving? Well, it looks like somebody actually went all the way.

"Short clip of myself, Jon Atkins, trying to break a marine buddy of mine, Nate Lopez's leg. He didn't want to go to Afghanistan and naturally this was his best idea to find a way out." HT Boing Boing


I hope it hurt like hell. I also hope that he faces court martial.

a correction for our readers

Apparently some people have trouble grasping the concept of fiction:
HT Stop the ACLU
7DAYS would like to point out that the four-page ‘Daily Planet’ supplement carried in yesterday’s paper was an advert for the release of the new movie ‘Superman Returns’. Superman has not really been spotted flying down Sheikh Zayed Road nor has he been seen swooping over Luxor in Egypt 7DAYS would like to thank those readers who thought otherwise for their concerned telephone calls.

Kiwi cop is a part time prostitute

A New Zealand police officer was cleared to moonlight on her job and work part time as a whore. NZ legalized prostitution a few years back, and apparently everybody wants in on the action... except for me. I saw some of their women of the night, I don't think I could ever be drunk enough to even shake hands with one of them.

Sorry, wrong address

Cato has an interactive map of botched drug raids. Kinda scary to see how many deaths and injuries came out of that list. HT Objective Justice

On the subject of getting owned

Glenn Greenwald claims to be a Con-law expert.

So maybe he should brush up on the 13th amendment after getting his ass owned by Ace, Pat and co. It appears Glen got caught posting comments on other blogs about how fan-fucking-tastic he is. Under false names, because that's what real con law experts do, want a sample? Here comes the science...

Lets see, a New York Times bestselling book on executive authority. Breaks a story on his blog about wiretapping that leads to front-page stories on most major newspapers in the country. Russ Feingold reads from his blog during the Censure hearings.

Maybe that has something to do with why. Any conservative bloggers with credentials like that? All compiled in 9 months or however long its been since he started blogging?

Jeffy’s funny poems are great and everything, and im sure your anonymous lawyer friends are really smart and all, but hard to say they compare to those things.


Next time you try to suck your own dick Glenn, try not to reach so far. You might throw something out.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

If I only had some health care and some tits ...

I could join the most kick ass roller derby team in the OC, the Demolition Divas. Oh well, I gotta mention that they are recruiting, so if any of you bad girlies interested, check them out.

Lou Dobbs > everybody else

Just kidding. This windbag is just another paternalistic know-it-all like O'Reilly. Nothing says "I'm a giant douchebag in love with the smell of my own farts" better than opening a column with a line like this...

We Americans like to think we're a pretty smart people, even when evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. And nowhere is that evidence more overwhelming than in the Middle East. History in the Middle East is everything, and we Americans seem to learn nothing from it.


Gee, why don't you tell us all about how you know so much more than all of America Lou? From Truman on down, apparently we bow down to his giant intellect. Which is really just his way of saying, we should fuck Israel over and move the story back to Iraq. After all, all the smart people know that if it weren't for Israel, and America's actions in Iraq, the Middle East would be a garden of earthly delights.

I would expect Lou to know that people can hold more than one issue in mind at a time. After all, he is able to still keep up with his isolationist/protectionist porn while lecturing us ad nasuem about the middle east and whatever else he can claim superiority about.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I love Japan

France v Israel ummm ok

This is a scary thought, a French MP is calling for war between France and Israel. And Bush is being hawkish for just not interfering fast enough?

I too lead a life of danger...

...But nothing like the Hoff

Finally a congress displays some good sense on gay marraige

I'd love to say it's over, but this is only over for now.

I'm all for gay marraige. And I'm sick of hearing about the issue from conservatives and natural law followers. If you don't like gay marraige, fine by me. Don't marry a member of the same sex.

If it's a crime against god, or nature, let them deal out their own punishment. A friend of mine has suggested this point, and it probably is the most common sense reaction I've heard to the natural law argument. After all, it does no good to actually try to argue with the logic within natural law, it's an endless loop.

So it looks like we get another 6 month reprieve on the issue, until after elections. The only question is whether Republicans will be back to bring this up one more time. Ah, who am I kidding, they'll bring it up even if they were the minority party. They know that they have the public on their side, and they have history. Whether the law makes good sense or not is immaterial.

But who will protect our llamas?

KG at Cagey Mind is upset because of a little bit of odd spending on homeland security, but really isn't protecting our nation's military resource of petting zoo's just good sense?

A list from the Homeland Security Department that determines hundreds of millions of dollars in anti-terrorism grants showed that Indiana and Wisconsin each have more than twice as many terror targets as California — and that one target is a petting zoo in Alabama.

Armada about to unleash their rusty cannon:

Well, on the big list of things that sound great in theory, bringing in former A's slugger Jose Canseco to pitch a minor league game is somewhere between greenlighting Ishtar and Chili Pepper Suppositories.

But just the same, somebody is stupid enough to try it;

Because Jose Canseco is a man who wants to be taken seriously ... because he is a man with pride ... because he once strode with the giants of major league baseball ... he will now take the next logical step in the twilight of his once-great career. He will pitch in the Golden Baseball League All-Star Game. "Canseco will pitch at least one inning in the game at Chico's Nettleton Stadium and also will participate in the pregame home run derby," said his new team, the Long Beach Armada. The game is today. Baseball's premiere steroid narc has also said that he will unveil his knuckleball. We are relieved, as at first we thought this whole thing was going to be a farce.

This seems about right

Fake Blogs and viral marketing


That Girl Emily claims to be on a 14 day revenge streak against her cheating husband. Day one, put up this billboard near her work (in NY) which oddly enough looks like a pretty cheap job. Then, you discover she want revenge so bad, BoiFromTroy has found that same billboard in LA.

Almost immediately after getting linked to on fark, cries of fake were being raised.

While viral marketing can be fun, it only works if you aren't treated like a moron in the process. Businesses who try to put one over on bloggers tend to fail, too many people, too much collective cynicism. For good examples of viral marketing, see I love bees, or Subservient Chicken.

Monday, July 17, 2006

The curious life of bloggers

By now, Frisch is a verb. Protein Wisdom and South(west) Paw have been in a verbal war for about two weeks now.

Well, in reality, PW has just been targeted despite showing a willingness to ignore things and move on. But what gets me is the oddity of the fact that Right/Left Blogs don't link to each other; unless they have done something crazy that they want to point out and ridicule.

Even now, there isn't a good link to the respective sites. As if that defeats their existence or delegitimizes them.

It's just plain stupid and childish. Linkage doesn't mean Friendship or endorsement, it simply means easy information dissemination...

Of course, at least one of these parties is childish so I would expect as much.

Rolling Stones + Breakfast



Isn't it sad that they had commercials that rocked more than legitimate songs they do now?

Calm in the storm

In my time before the mast I have learned to appreciate the storms that confront us. As captain of this ship, I'm particularly enjoying the lightning storm in this beautiful bay. I know that the bar exam may be scary and that only a week separates me from fate, but it's nice to be reminded how big, and scary things are outside my bubble.

And everyday, I thank God that I'm not on a plane, full of snakes.

Clerks + Peanuts = 36



Wait? What do you mean 37?

I wanted to be student council president too... damn union voting machine

Tony Snow has high praise for President Clinton:

On former President Bill Clinton: "Bill Clinton settled for being popular. In that sense he was more student council president than American president and it's a real shame. What a waste of talent."

Well, popular is key isn't it? It worked for Kennedy, he got the hot chicks. And Clinton, well...

... He made up for it in quantity.

Snakes on a Plane: reviewed

It's an internet phenom, so naturally anybody cool on the internet hates it. After all, everybody knows that anything worth being popular must suck once it catches wind in the general public.

Unless you are the first, bona fide reviewer of the film, at Ain't it cool news.

So suck on that haters. There are snakes on that mother fucking plane, what are you going to do about it?

Feminists rejoice, you are killing women, the system still works

I love the feminist movement, it really was something, until it was successful.

The great crime in politics is that nobody ever goes away. And even wars that have been fought and won are constantly being refought by the victors. Tilting at windmills. They fear any step away from the status quo will result in the end of all things.

And so, while in America we fear the harmful anti-woman effects of abortion bans, we produce an effect of gender selecting abortions. We give no quarter, and in turn, we pay a far greater price.

If there has ever been a more poorly understood concept in American law than abortion rights, I'd like to know about it. But for now, I'm just secure in the fact that we have people running the show willing to sacrifice women on the alter of women's rights.

Marsha Bishon, 15:01

As a fan of nipples, I must say this is dissapointing
(and as a fan of common sense, I won't tell you not to click that link from your work)

Cuba's opinion about the middle east events

Listen. Castro. Die. We don't care what you think about the middle east.
You, and your scragly hobo beard need to go away.

Your chance to be a t-shirt Icon is long since passed, and your bud in venezuela is now the head lunatic for Latin Socialism. Just die so I can get good cigars and another source of rum.

And leave Israel out of it

Cuba on Sunday strongly condemned the Israeli aggressions on Lebanon which led to the killing of innocent civilians and destruction of the country's infrastructure.

"Cuba condemns Israeli violations of the international laws and norms through its military offensive on a sovereign country under different pretexts to protect its security by the military and financial support of the US Administration," a statement by the Cuban Foreign Ministry said.

Of course considering that the State Department is planning your demise, and Cuba is discussing your great health, I may have spoken too late. Here's hoping.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Clearly not a man of the sea

Michael Douglas thinks piss is a home remedy, for jellyfish stings. And this man got one of the world's hottest women how?

The actor was vacationing with his family at their summer home when he suffered a nasty sting and pleaded with five-year-old son DYLAN to alleviate the pain.

(snip)

"So I asked my five-year-old son if he would pee-pee on my back. He looked at me like he'd gone to heaven.

"He was like 'This is what I call a good summer holiday! Pee-pee on daddy's back!' "I don't know if it helped at all, but my son was happy. We'll work it out in 20 years (when he's in therapy)!"

Give me another word for penis

Ok, this is wrong, not safe for work or anybody, but a sex ed video for the retarded.

Bush is why Zidane gave the headbutt?

Only the LA Times would be stupid enough to post this gem as an editorial and think that it makes actual sense.

NOW WE KNOW why France's team captain lost his cool in the World Cup finals and France lost the trophy to Italy.

Terrorism.
(snip)
That's pure trickle-down politics. From the White House to the soccer pitch, "terrorist" has "cooties" and "your mother wears combat boots" flat beat as the top playground potty-mouth slur for the 21st century.

Who's surprised? The Bush administration has been scattering the word like ticker tape on a Manhattan parade. Old McDonald left the farm for the NSA, and now it's here a terrorist, there a terrorist, everywhere a terrorist.



Ah yes, I remember the golden age of football, when calling somebody a terrorist was a compliment. The Bush Administration's bastardization of a once noble profession will be an eternal dark mark upon his name.

No more Cream

Well this just sucks....

Legendary drummer GINGER BAKER insists he will never agree to another reunion of 1960s supergroup CREAM, because he can't stand to be the same stage as frontman JACK BRUCE. The SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE star insists Bruce has a split personality, and has dubbed his personas DR JEKYLL and MR HYDE after the famous book by ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON. Baker was thrilled to take to the stage with Bruce and guitarist ERIC CLAPTON last year (05) in London, because it felt like a return to their heyday, but subsequent shows in New York City proved less enjoyable thanks to Bruce's behaviour. He says, "When he's Dr Jekyll, he's fine... it's when he's Mr Hyde that he's not. "I tell you this - there won't ever be anymore Cream gigs because he did Mr Hyde in New York last year. "He shouted at me on stage and turned up his bass so loud that he deafened me on the first gig. That was the end. "The Albert Hall gig was like 1966 - wonderful. And the first night in New York, Jack became Mr Hyde. He sort of took over, and he played so loud it was ridiculous."

Zim + Beastie Boys = Yummy

Faulty Towers


It looks like the hotel from the classic series Faulty Towers has had a bit of a makeover. And it's now a legitimate four-star hotel. Glad to see they solved the rat problem. (via Boing Boing)

Jackie Chan has nothing on this guy

And here I thought that I was in good shape with my workout regime.

Maybe I'll have to add him to my crew if I need some kick ass acrobatics. Kind of like Oceans 11, without all the smug.

Busted Again

Some people are born great, some acheive greatness, others are simply caught huffing paint over and over again.

For the fifth time, a Benwood man has been arrested for huffing paint.Patrick Eugene Tribett, 42, has had a history of huffing paint - and being caught - since 1998.He was arrested again after Wheeling police responded to calls and found him intoxicated in a parked car.When police ordered him from the vehicle, a plastic bag and a can of spray paint fell from his lap. Police said Tribett was also armed with a kitchen knife in his pants' pocket.Tribett will be extradited to Ohio, where he is wanted on a parole violation for felonious assault.Last month, police found Tribett huffing paint under the Interstate 470 bridge. Police said when they found him, Tribett looked right at them but continued huffing.
Classic

Why I love CNN

Here I am, sitting in my office, studying the dark arts of law furiously with CNN on in the background, worrying that I will fail the bar exam and never find work and then I hear these words...

..."Israel is on the brink of war"

And it all came into perspective, CNN is absolutely full of morons. But they all are employed. If they can do it, anybody can.

More proof Europe is for wusses

Look, I like Eurpoe; it's full of great things, nice people. But when it comes to being able to balance between how the world really works, and how some people would like it to work, they are way off in fantasy land. Just ask the people in Britan who have succesfully banned knives.

Yeah, we still have guns, and they are outlawing shiny pointy things. Remember that next time we are told that the US is gung ho for guns, they are afraid of knives. Chalk it up to another victory of hope over experience.

Win a date with Jessica Biel

oooh, I'd pay good money for a date with this woman.

Which is of course a perfect chance to smack her upside the head for Blade 3 or Stealth. Such a waste of hotness. Maybe I should take that back, and go after the fools who wasted such *talents* on such tripe.

Juggling in a cone, the only thing cooler than mimes in a shredder

As long as I'm stealing from memepool...

All great privateers require entertainers.

An island in the sun

Camwhores get wish lists, and so do I.

One time only, I give you permission to buy me this island. Who knows, maybe I'll invite you along for some scuba diving fun.*





*submitter actually knows the correct answer, which is no, he will not. Unless you are super hot chick, then he might invite you to lounge around sexy like on the beach. Either way, submitter will accept free islands, or pictures of your hotness.

This is the first

So, I'm posting, as always, this is another secret blog of a secret blogger. Oooh mystery.

So, what's in a name?

Letters of Marque and Reprisal are used for pirates to be identified as privateers. In other words, they get to act like pirates, under the color of law, and keep what they take.

It's not stealing if the government says it's legal, after all, that is what government does, it steals, but it makes it legal first. So, allow me to nomiate myself for the first of the modern privateer movement.

As for the poster name, if you knew me, maybe you'd figure it out, but I think you'd have to be able to get me naked first. Which means you may only know me tangentially to pull it off (updated) changed the posting name, it's historical. Jolie Rouge is the historical source of the Jolly Roger, the Red Flag mean's takes no prisoners.